Selfies and Other Addictions

That face!

I’m guilty of making that duck face on selfies.

I’ve been addicted to a lot of things in my life; I’m not going to sugarcoat it. But none of them were meth, and that is all that really matters. I want to start with the rather casual and benign addictions. I kid you not, I was once addicted to taking selfies. Yep, I’m so embarrassed about it because how vain am I? 


But it was just so fun to play around with the camera and put my face in different lighting and see how I lit up. I think one day I took around a hundred pictures of myself. I know, I know, that’s pretty frightening. I still have the photos on my camera, and I refuse to post them here because, again, the vanity. 

I mean, this new camera selfie thing is like having your own photographer built in. Don’t judge me, I know what you are thinking. Why? That’s such an invasive question. Why does anyone do anything? Yeah, try answering that first.

During the selfie addiction time, I had a makeup addiction alongside it. I discovered this new trend called contouring, where you outline the structure of your face with darker and lighter colors to highlight your features. Um, let's just say if this is not done right, you pretty much look like a scary clown. Again I am shangrinned.

I didn’t actually leave the house with this contouring business on my face; I would just do little experiments at home and snap some shots. No, I will not show you those pics. Although I have to say you can wear way more makeup for the camera because the nature of the lighting doesn’t pick it all up, and I didn’t look as terrifying as I did in the mirror. 

Basically, I was buying all kinds of makeup: different color foundations, in some I looked more tan, others made me look fairer. I bought different bronzers and blushes, and lipsticks in all ranges of colors. Again, you are probably wondering why I was doing all this. I guess it was a hobby of sorts.

Okay, it was a mild obsession. Mild okay? How harmless is buying all kinds of makeup and trying it at home and wondering if any combination of products will actually make you look absolutely fabulous?

I have to point out that I did not, in fact, look amazing; I looked well, like I was trying out for a Broadway play, and I had skipped to the dress rehearsal with full makeup without any wardrobe to go with it. I looked hilarious, okay, if you must know. You are so nosy. 

Again, you are judging. You don’t know me; I just give you glimpses of myself through this very narrow window of my blog. You don’t know what moves me, what motivates me. Apparently, looking like a very made-up doll/hooker is what I like to do in my spare time. You have any better ideas?

Image courtesy of Maksim Chernyshev via Scopio

So moving on, let’s now go to my shopping addiction. This addiction has plagued me on and off for my entire adult life. When I get bored and unsatisfied with my life, I often find myself neurotically buying clothes or home goods. I have more clothes than any woman at any age should have. I have more throw pillows and vases than I should legally be allowed to have. 

I have collected so much ‘stuff’ because of my shopping addiction that it might be time to pare down my belongings. It’s very difficult for me to give nice things away. It is not, however, hard for me to buy nice things. 

I used to go on my shopping sprees at the stores, but after covid, I discovered you can find even better things online. I realized that you don’t have to move your body or leave the house to do this. So now when I get a little down, I make an order of some sweaters or skirts or whatever is good for whatever season I’m in. 


This may not sound like a terrible addiction, and I will say it’s not that bad. But there was one time when I spent around 1,000 dollars on clothes in one day. I used my dad’s credit card, and Bank of America called my father and told him no one in the country was spending money as fast as me. I’m not kidding. I was apparently breaking world records. My dad made me return everything.

Moving on, let’s discuss once again my food addiction. I have elaborated on this in recent times, so I won’t spend too much time repeating all that here. But I looooveee food. I mean, there may not be anything in this world better than a good meal and some chocolate dessert afterwards. I am a foodie, but it goes beyond that. 

Is it pathological? I don’t know, I’ve always struggled with my weight, but I’m also not the 600-pound woman. Yes, I do binge every now and then, and I know I don’t always have a healthy relationship with food. But I reiterate, food is sooo good. 

Am I over my food addiction? It’s not something you can ever really get over. I’m on Weight Watchers now, and I try to eat a lot less and a lot healthier, but when I get off my plan, my nature is to eat with no abandon. But you know, we all have our vices. 

Now let’s get to a true vice. I had a drinking problem in my mid-thirties. I would do things like drink two bottles of wine in one night and pass out. I did this a lot. I had to drink at least a little bit every day. I did it out of boredom and loneliness. 

I’m still not sure if I was an actual alcoholic because I was eventually able to stop without needing any kind of rehab. I just stopped doing it one day. This is actually a lot more serious than the other addictions that I have mentioned above. 

I could have really ruined my entire life; I could be in a really bad place right now. I have no idea why I stopped or how I stopped. I am very thankful to god that I came out of that situation unscathed. I drink very little socially now; I rarely drink more than one drink.

Being an addict is very interesting. If you are aware that you are one, you try to avoid any real substances that could lead you down a very dark road. We had morphine in the house when my dad was ill. It never occurred to me to ‘try’ some, so to speak. I’m not that kind of addict. Not that I’m looking down on drug addicts, I believe they have a disease, and it is not their fault. But I’m pretty sure I’ll never do drugs. Or so I hope and pray. 

Oh, I think I forgot one thing, I’m addicted to buying books. I have big reading plans, huge. I had to switch to Kindle because there is literally no shelf space in my life where I can put all my books. The idea of giving them away makes me want to cry. Currently, I’m only reading two books and have my eyes on one more that I want to buy.

A big pile of books is the most exciting thing in life!

Unfortunately, I haven’t read some of the books I’ve had for years.

Book buying sounds like an intellectual pursuit, if you actually get around to reading the books. My ambitions are bigger than my ability to read. I know you are thinking this should be in the shopping category; the reason it is not is that books are not frivolous items. Books are the best thing humankind has ever created. Sometimes I just want to be alone in a room with my books, even if I’m not reading them. Being around them makes me smarter through osmosis, I believe.

Sometimes, I commit myself to too many books at once and then get overwhelmed and watch TV. Lately, I’ve been boycotting television because I can’t find anything decent to watch, so I’ve been reading a lot more. I think it’s better for my mental health.

I’m not sure if every person with an addictive personality has this many addictions. But I would like to reiterate, I’ve never done drugs except for the occasional joint, and that was a long time ago. Don’t I get some credit for not doing crack? Fortunately for me, my father told me that I would die if I ever even tried something like cocaine. I believed him. All addiction is a disease and should be treated as such. Okay, maybe not selfie addiction, but I think you know what I mean.

nina