Letters to Things That Can't Write Back
Photo by Valerie Elash on Unsplash
Dear Internet,
Where do you end and where do you begin? How big are you exactly? At this point, are you bigger than god? Can you even be measured by size? Maybe the better question is: what are your depths?
Do you know everything? Like literally everything? You even know things you shouldn't know, things that don't even matter. Social media has been tracking me so closely that you probably know what I will eat tomorrow for lunch.
Sometimes I think you know me better than I know myself. You certainly know what to sell me.
Now, with AI, you even know how to think like me.
The real problem is that I can't live without you anymore, and I don't know how I ever functioned before you were invented.
You are miraculous, but could you stop being so miraculous for a minute? Some of us are forgetting how to think because you remember everything for us.
nina
Dear Twenty-Year-Old Self,
You will only get more brilliant, but you will never be this physically beautiful.
One day, you will understand that beauty was the least interesting thing about you.
You will spend years mourning the loss of a face and body no one else noticed changing, while failing to appreciate the person quietly forming underneath it.
You think your life is about to begin.
You have no idea how many times you will begin again.
nina
Dear Anxiety,
Who exactly do you think you are? And why are you always making me ask that same question about myself?
Because of you, I don't always know who I am. Sometimes I feel like I work for you, instead of you just being this annoying habit that takes over at the most ridiculous times.
The times when I need myself the most, you take away parts of me. Who invented you in the first place, and why? Maybe that's a question for god.
You've stolen days from me. Sleep. Peace. Certainty.
But you have not stolen my life.
You may always ride in the passenger seat, offering terrible directions and insisting we're about to crash.
You just don't get to drive anymore.
nina
Dear Father,
I know you are dead, but really, where are you?
I believe in reincarnation, but I also believe in heaven. Did you come back here on earth? Are you someone else's child now? Someone else's husband? Did you trade your tired body for another one and start over?
Or are you somewhere beyond all of this, finally free from appointments and medications and the slow betrayals of the body?
I still catch myself thinking I should call you.
I still have things to tell you.
I want to ask if death answered any of the questions life never could.
Mostly, I want to know if you know how much I loved you.
And if, wherever you are, you know that I still do.
nina
Dear god,
Who are you? What does it mean that we are one when I have never met you, or have I?
What do you want from us? Is there something in particular we are supposed to be doing? Being? Thinking?
Why are we here? What is this all about?
They say you are love, but what kind of love doesn't show its face?
Are you really there? Is that why sometimes I can feel you?
I want to be your friend. Can we be friends?
Can I count on you? Really count on you?
I don't need all the answers.
Just a hint.
A nod.
A cosmic text message that says, "You're going the right way."
Or even, "Relax. Nobody knows what they're doing."
Honestly, I would settle for that.
nina
BECOME A FRIEND OF NINALAND
If my writing has ever made you laugh, think, or feel a little less alone, consider becoming a Friend of Ninaland. Friends receive exclusive content, including bonus essays, audio versions of posts, behind-the-scenes notes, and the occasional piece that never makes it onto the blog. Your support helps keep Ninaland going.
Join here: Friends of Ninaland
$1.99 Every month
✓ Exclusive Content
✓ Bonus Essays
✓ Audio Versions of Posts
✓ Behind-the-Scenes Notes
Log In: https://www.ninakaur.com/friends-of-ninaland#page
Do you need help learning how to read, write, or speak English?
I am an experienced tutor who can give you real conversational and written expertise in English Language Learning.
I can also help with Foreign Accent Reduction.
I work virtually in any time zone in any country.
To explore tutoring with me, please submit the form below:
A couple of friends and I started a podcast called 2 Curries and a Ranch. Listen here: https://2curriesandaranch.riverside.com/ or wherever you get your podcasts.
Imagine two loud, dramatic, hilarious Indian women explaining to a white man what it's like to grow up and live in America. Join us for laughter, deep thoughts, and witty banter about life, love and culture. We tell it like it is, with honest, bold and funny stories, discussions and arguments. We explore boundaries and challenge norms. Join us for a good talk.
We have a new episode out: Body Hair
Join us as we discuss different humorous and serious aspects of body hair and all its entanglements.