What's the Most Embarrassing Thing About You?

What’s the most embarrassing thing about you? I have a story, once I was wearing a long skirt and standing in line at Hallmark, and all of a sudden, I had to pee so badly I couldn’t handle my life. The woman ahead of me in line was paying in like pennies, and it was taking her half an hour to pay the bill. By the time she finished, I had peed in line. I have no idea if anyone could smell or see it, but I paid for my card and went home and showered. 

Another embarrassing thing about me is that I have chin hair. It’s ridiculous, I shave it every day like a man. I’m not sure why I’m admitting these things, but they are real. They are what make me real. I mean, you shouldn’t be embarrassed about being embarrassed; we’ve all been there. 

There are so many embarrassing things in life. It’s only human to have these weird little things about you. I can’t believe I’m putting this on the internet, but sometimes I suck my thumb. That is incredibly embarrassing, but there it is. 

I even walk around town without a bra on; my bestie thinks this is so embarrassing, but the older I get, the less I care about anything.  

I wasn’t even embarrassed to show you this:

And I’m proud to now show you this:

Yes, naturally, I’m a mess. I’m working on it. Even if I wasn’t, who cares?

Being myself, being real, being gritty is not something I am ashamed of anymore. I used to have to wear at least a little makeup to leave the house, but I don’t anymore. I do still wear makeup and bras and nice clothes, but when I’m just hanging out running errands, I could care less. And it’s nice.

The older I get, the less I care what anyone thinks of me. If you don’t like me, okay, moving on… If you think I’m not thin enough, or rich enough, or whatever enough, whatever, that’s your problem, not mine. Judge me or don’t judge me; it doesn’t affect me either way.

I wasn’t always like this; in my youth, I cared a great deal what people thought of me. But honestly, why does it matter? I’m just busy being me, you should be busy being you, and if we jive, then great, if not, it’s okay!

I recognize that there are things to care about in this world, none of which have to do with whether I wear a bra to go to the post office or not. I feel like the world is in shambles, and there are so many more important things to worry about other than what people think of me. 

Don’t get me wrong, I like to be liked. Don’t we all? It’s human nature. But I’m not counting on you to like me to give me my sense of self-worth. I can do that on my own, thanks. What I do need from you is respect; contrary to popular belief, respect does not need to be earned. I respect everyone until they do something that causes me to lose respect for them. 

Everyone has their weird little isms. That’s what makes us unique. If there is nothing weird or different about you, it’s possible you are boring and normal. And even that, so what? That’s who you are! Be yourself. 

I also really respect people who put themselves out there. Like singing your heart out at a karaoke bar, even if you can’t sing. Or those who try to do standup but can’t make anyone laugh. That takes guts. So what if you are not good at something? You should still do it. 

I mean, you don’t have to do everything in public, but like singing, I’m not sure if I can hold a tune to this day, but I sing my heart out in the car. There’s no way in hell that I’m going to become a professional singer, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t do what I love and not care at all about what anyone thinks. 

Even this very blog you are reading, someone once told me they couldn’t believe I put this crap out there for everyone to read. I laughed. Obviously, that person is not my target audience, and they are entitled to their opinion. It’s not going to stop me. 

There are people in my family who think I should be embarrassed about my mental illness. I have Bipolar Disorder, and I’m not ashamed of it at all. Now that doesn’t mean when you first meet me, I’m going to greet you with, I have Manic Depression. What it means is that if it comes up in conversation for some reason, I am in no way shy about discussing it. 

I’m Indian, and it’s a cultural thing not to talk about things like mental illness. I think that just increases the stigma. A mental disease is just like a physical disease; we are not ashamed to have diabetes or high blood pressure. So why should we be scared to reveal depression or any other mental illness? There are more people than we think who are suffering from these conditions. 

I mean, some people think I shouldn’t be allowed to be a writer because I can’t spell, and I struggle with grammar. Honestly, I don’t care that some people think that. And I’m not embarrassed about that, not even a little bit.

In short, just be you. Everyone else should only be worried about themselves.

nina