Somewhere Between Spirituality and Bollywood
First and foremost, when you go to a family Indian wedding, it’s a reunion of sorts, especially with your cousins. Cousins hit a sweet spot in life. They aren’t just friends; they come with a shared family history. But they aren’t siblings either. They’re like special siblings and special friends all at once. They are the greatest!
When you walk into an Indian wedding event, the first thing you will notice is the obscene amount of color. It is absolutely fabulous if you are like me and love every brilliant color in the rainbow. People are dressed in oranges and pinks and yellows so bright they look borrowed from cartoons. Even the ceilings seem to glitter. Flowers, fabric, lights, and gold decorations hang everywhere like the room itself decided subtlety was offensive.
Now there’s nothing more important than the jewelry. OK, in Indian weddings, there’s this whole thing about blinging up your jewelry game. You don’t just wear jewelry; you are a vehicle to display your family jewels. That does not mean, however, that they have to be real. You just need to walk around with the confidence that your jewels are the most real and the most beautiful in the room.
The music at a Punjabi wedding is Bhangra music, and it pretty much vibrates within your soul. It’s obnoxiously loud: drums, beats, melodies layered on top of each other until the music practically hijacks your nervous system. It is everything music is supposed to do if its sole purpose is making human beings dance against their will. That is the purpose of bhangra music, dance, dance, dance.
Don’t get me wrong, I am an auntie, and aunties are there to judge you. What you are wearing, what you are eating, your life choices in general. They are there to provide you with a barometer to measure how worthy you are as a human being. Most of us fail that measurement. And aunties want us to know that they know, pretty much everything.
Let’s talk about the food…There is an outrageous amount of food at Indian weddings. I don’t like to think of myself as a cow, but by the second event, I had eaten enough paneer to legally become dairy. The food is endless, and you didn’t know you could actually consume that much in one sitting. Your stomach is full to the brim, the bhangra is pounding at your heartstrings, and somehow people still expect you to dance.
Somewhere between the bhangra and the aunties asking why I’m still single, I looked around and realized Sikh weddings aren’t really about two people. They’re about an entire community trying to remember itself. Weddings like this feel less like private events and more like cultural memory being performed in real time. It’s not just an endless display of turbans matching ties and chunis matching kurtas; it’s about our matching mindsets. We are all there for the same reason: to celebrate.
I’m never as proud to be Indian as I am at an Indian wedding. The clothing is absolutely stunning, the food is glorious, and the music is fun. The bride usually looks less like a person and more like royalty: flawless makeup, elaborate embroidery, layers of jewelry, perfection from head to toe.
I’ve never had an Indian wedding; I have never had a wedding, period. I’m not actually upset about that because I’m not sure I want to be a bride in this particular wild circus. I’m not sure the bride is always having a great time with everyone staring at her and evaluating her.
So many events, so many outfits!
In the Indian community, I am an unmarried old maid. Thankfully, that mindset is changing. More people now understand that life doesn’t unfold the same way for everyone. Marriage has not happened for me yet, and it may never happen, and I’m okay with that. What I’m not okay with is being judged, be it aunties or just the community in general.
It’s hard when you live in a community that expects you to take a very particular path in life. I didn’t even follow the professional path that most Indians take. I went into the arts instead of becoming a doctor or engineer.
I am actually content with my life choices, and I am very personally fulfilled. What I’m not satisfied with is people judging me, but maybe a lot of it is in my imagination. Maybe I’m judging myself more than anyone else is.
However, going to a wedding in the Indian community makes you recognize your identity in your community. There is a certain beauty and pride in our traditions.
The actual wedding ceremony is quite beautiful and moving. It is really about two souls becoming one with each other and God. I love that idea. I want a union of souls if I ever get married. I want to unite my soul with God at some point, too.
I know that’s a tall order, but when I am faced with the words of the Anand Karaj ceremony, I am reminded that I actually believe in this stuff. I am reminded that my true purpose is to find oneness in this universe.
However, after the sacred ceremony, the party starts, and we often forget all of the spiritual aspects of what is going on. It’s an interesting thing to party like rock stars after you just promised God that you will relinquish the materialism and ego of the world. But I guess it’s kind of like work hard, play hard. That is something that Punjabi and Sikh people do really well.
Every event feels sacred and theatrical at the same time. We are trying to find a medium between the spiritual nature of a union between two souls and the reality that you are at the biggest party in town. Let’s just say that Punjabis know how to party. Punjabis somehow found a way to turn spirituality into a celebration and celebration into an art form.
nina
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Imagine two loud, dramatic, hilarious Indian women explaining to a white man what it's like to grow up and live in America. Join us for laughter, deep thoughts, and witty banter about life, love and culture. We tell it like it is, with honest, bold and funny stories, discussions and arguments. We explore boundaries and challenge norms. Join us for a good talk.
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