A Few Small Acts of Kindness
I went to Subway today to get some cookies; they have the best cookies. A worker was eating her dinner and got up to serve me. I told her I didn’t mean to interrupt her dinner, but she told me not to worry at all. Then I dropped the Diet Pepsi bottle I was buying. The woman helping me asked if I wanted a new bottle. I don’t know why this whole interaction struck me as so kind.
In the middle of my annoying day, I was running on too little sleep and craving things I probably shouldn’t eat, like cookies. In the smack middle of my ordinary day, she was nice to me.
You never know how people’s smallest kindnesses can affect another person.
It reminds me of the time I was applying to grad school and went to the UPS store every day to mail applications. I became very friendly with the guy who worked there; he kept saying good luck. When I told him a few months later that I got into my school of choice, he congratulated me and smiled really big. I told him I could not have done it without him. He laughed and said it was all my own doing. I wanted to hug this middle-aged man; I was in my early twenties.
These may not seem like huge acts of kindness, but I think that’s the point. It doesn’t take much to make someone smile.
I remember that UPS guy twenty years later. That’s the impression he had on me.
When I was a teacher/professor and tutor, I always hoped I made people feel the way that the UPS worker made me feel: encouraged, seen, comfortable.
I’m not sure if I succeeded, but there were moments that made me think maybe I did.
Once, I got fired from a student teaching job as a 12th-grade English teacher. I literally got fired because I lost one student’s assignment. One.
I had graded hundreds of assignments that semester across six classes a day, and somehow, one missing paper was enough to end it.
I had a great rapport with those students almost immediately, and when they heard rumors that I was going to get fired, one guy told his friends that they should protest. That’s when I knew I made an impact, which was more important to me than losing my job.
I told that boy who wanted to protest that his presentation was so creative that he should post it online. Some of the jocks in my class would come sit next to me before class just to talk. I remember one of them telling me he just felt comfortable talking to me.
I decided that teaching in high school wasn’t for me, but I’ll never forget those kids. I hope they never forget me.
When I started teaching in college, I had students whose beliefs were completely different from mine politically, socially, and scientifically. Sometimes I strongly disagreed with their arguments, but I tried very hard not to let my personal beliefs affect how I treated them.
I spent years teaching students to think critically, support arguments, and defend positions. Occasionally this backfired spectacularly when they used those skills to argue things I completely disagreed with.
What surprised me was that even when I fundamentally disagreed with students, I still often liked them. One student would stay after class just to debate things with me for fun. Another brought me coffee during finals week because I looked exhausted. Some of these kids believed things that made me internally scream into the void, and yet they were still thoughtful, funny, hardworking people.
I had students whose opinions made me want to gently bang my head against my desk, but they were also the same students asking me how my weekend was, telling me about their families, or nervously trying to improve their writing.
I think that taught me something important: disagreement does not automatically erase humanity.
There are a lot of disagreements politically in this country, and people keep saying we have become more and more divided. I mean, it’s true, if you tell me you voted for certain people, I will judge you.
But I shouldn’t.
I should be kind to you. In fact, I met this incredibly generous woman a few weeks ago who is on the completely other end of the political spectrum from me. She was charming and generous, and she paid for everyone’s dinner and movie tickets. She was a blast.
I was told by our mutual friend that I should not bring up politics around her, and I didn’t, and we had a good old time at the Michael Jackson movie. We sang and danced.
Maybe human kindness could be the bridge that unites people.
When I think of a potential match in the dating scene, the most important quality I look for in a man is kindness. It may be because when I think about my father, who died this past year, I think about his unconditional kindness.
I want to be a kinder person, and I want to interact with kind people.
Is that so much to ask?
nina
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A couple of friends and I started a podcast called 2 Curries and a Ranch. Listen here: https://2curriesandaranch.riverside.com/ or wherever you get your podcasts.
Imagine two loud, dramatic, hilarious Indian women explaining to a white man what it's like to grow up and live in America. Join us for laughter, deep thoughts, and witty banter about life, love and culture. We tell it like it is, with honest, bold and funny stories, discussions and arguments. We explore boundaries and challenge norms. Join us for a good talk.
We have a new episode coming out: We Lost Nina!
Join us as we navigate losing Nina in the middle of our podcast and then discuss some serious philosophical issues. Then we go back to some humorous chats about everything and nothing!