The Person I Meet In Meditation
Photo by amin naderloei on Unsplash
I’ve been meditating regularly for many years now. I didn’t become enlightened. I just stopped drafting imaginary arguments in the shower. My mind is constantly having conversations with itself, and when I’m meditating, I don’t join the chaos.
It’s not a magic pill; it will, however, most likely help your anxiety, and it even helped my depression. For me, it can also leave me with a feeling of euphoric love and bliss.
Just because I meditate does not mean I get up at 4 am or believe owning crystals will save me. I do own my share of crystals solely for their aesthetic appeal. I have never asked a crystal to tell me something about myself.
Meditation forced me to meet the version of myself that exists when nobody is watching. That person is very real and grounded and knows how to love unconditionally.
Truthfully, I like myself much better since I’ve been meditating. I have no idea why, but I think it may have something to do with connecting with my higher self or what some call my soul.
I feel like praying is talking to your higher self, whereas meditation is listening to that part of yourself. It doesn’t talk; words are not part of its repertoire. It speaks in feelings. That is the language of the soul.
The universe, or god, or whatever you believe in, can be a part of the meditation process. It doesn’t have to be; meditation is an exercise, a quieter form of yoga. I think it is an activity for your mind and your soul. Your body is involved too, but after a while, you almost forget you have one.
Meditation is the only moment in my day where nobody is trying to sell me something, scare me, or convince me to hate another human being.
There are times in deep meditation that I feel as though I’ve experienced higher states of mind, states of mind where I feel real peace; sometimes even a feeling of bliss accompanies my practice.
Most of us are performing constantly. Productive. Attractive. Fine. Busy. Interesting. Successful. Meditation is one of the few places where none of that matters. You sit there and realize your worth was never attached to performance in the first place.
Meditation is one of the few moments where you stop asking yourself, “What am I doing?” and start asking, “What am I being?” Honestly, it begins to answer that age-old question, “Who am I?”
So, who have I discovered I am? I move differently in the world since meditating. I still get overwhelmed at small, meaningless tasks, and I still get stressed in traffic. I still rehearse conversations in my head. I still fear confrontation.
So what’s the difference? I still feel every emotion on the rainbow of feelings that exist, but I don’t become them. I watch them, I notice them. I try to figure out which emotions I want to collaborate with, which I want to let go of.
I’m not always successful because I’m just as confused and conflicted as anyone else. But when I am in meditation, I recognize that I am not my thoughts; I am the observer of those thoughts. It’s like a pool of fish, I’m not the fish, I’m the water.
For example, today I slept poorly, and I’m cranky and have been feeling lonely because writing is lonely work. But I’m sitting outside, and I can feel that the sun and the trees and the wind are much more than my own little problems, that I am a part of something bigger, something more beautiful.
The sun is beating on my face, and I remember times when I have been in the darkness of depression, so that every time I see the sun shining, I notice it. I am not feeling perfect right now, but I am feeling alive.
I meditated this morning, and I can feel it carrying me through this somewhat annoying day. I’m still irritated that I have no one to vent to at the moment, but when I’m really in touch with my inner self, I understand that I am not alone. I am part of an intricate design that works somehow, even though it is so flawed and so perfect at the same time.
Sometimes lately I think I’m perfect, maybe a perfect mess, but I wouldn’t want it any other way. It’s kind of like when you meet a small child, children are perfect—their innocence, their laughter. Sometimes I feel like a child when I’m in a meditative state.
I feel what I was before the world got its hands on me. Before all the social conditioning, insecurities, and fear.
All I know after all this is that there is something more than all of this. That I am more than just this.
nina
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A couple of friends and I started a podcast called 2 Curries and a Ranch. Listen here: https://2curriesandaranch.riverside.com/ or wherever you get your podcasts.
Imagine two loud, dramatic, hilarious Indian women explaining to a white man what it's like to grow up and live in America. Join us for laughter, deep thoughts, and witty banter about life, love and culture. We tell it like it is, with honest, bold and funny stories, discussions and arguments. We explore boundaries and challenge norms. Join us for a good talk.
We have a new episode coming out: We Lost Nina!
Join us as we navigate losing Nina in the middle of our podcast and then discuss some serious philosophical issues. Then we go back to some humorous chats about everything and nothing!