Maybe Happiness Is About Noticing
Happiness is something we all chase. I’ve been relatively happy lately, I say relatively because I’ve also been tired and moody. But despite all those things that might be because of age, I feel pretty fulfilled.
What is making me happy? First of all, doing work that I find meaningful. Writing on this very blog is making me happy. In the last 30 days, I’ve had more than 60 thousand readers. That makes me happy.
But even more than the audience, I love what I’m doing. I love writing. It is not just a passing fling for me, it’s the real thing. This is what I was meant to do. I find great satisfaction in expressing myself through the written word.
Another thing that makes me happy is feeding my soul. Meditation quiets the static in my mind. Music changes the emotional temperature of my day. Reading beautiful prose reminds me that human beings can turn suffering into art.
What else makes me happy? Good friends make me happy. Over the years, I have cultivated friendships that genuinely nourish me. My family also brings me happiness, especially my sister and my little niece.
But I don’t think these things are creating my happiness. I think they are nourishing something that already exists inside me. How did I get happy then?
I think it is a decision. Now I say that with great trepidation, because it is often not possible to make the decision to be happy. There are all kinds of factors, economic, health, and mental, that can make it impossible to choose happiness.
I have been in many positions where I could not choose happiness.
For example, my father was terminally ill for almost 5 years, and I was his caretaker. It was traumatic, and I found it very difficult to be happy in that situation. The last two years of his illness were particularly difficult, and I chose to stop working for that time period.
Image courtesy of Michel Corvello Martins via Scopio
During those years, happiness felt almost offensive sometimes. My world had narrowed into hospitals, medications, exhaustion, and anticipatory grief.
I tried to choose happiness in the midst of all of that, but I couldn’t. I don’t blame anyone who cannot choose happiness.
I’m not sure that we choose sadness; sometimes I think it chooses us.
I would love to tell you I have found the secret to happiness, but unfortunately for us all, it is still a secret.
The last six months that my father was ill were when things actually started changing for the better. I suddenly was not depressed anymore, and I felt I could see through all the pain to another side. I started taking care of myself with diet and exercise, and I started dating again.
When I finally began focusing on my own life again, the residue of depression slowly started to fade. I know everyone knows this, but it is worth saying, you cannot live your life for anyone else. For a long time, I was living for my father. It was when I decided to start living for myself that I began to heal.
It’s one thing not to be depressed, but it is another thing to be happy.
Actually, I think the thing that made me start becoming happy was discipline. To me, that sounds counterintuitive, but hear me out. When I started forcing myself to write, read, and meditate, things really changed for me.
It’s only been about a month since I started feeling what I would call true happiness.
But that’s long enough to notice. I now notice the beauty around me, the beautiful spring sun and flowers. I notice the taste of good food and the release of a good laugh.
Maybe happiness is about noticing things. Maybe it is about being in the moment.
Maybe it’s about letting it all go—our trauma, our pain, our past. Maybe life is better when we go beyond our circumstances into that stillness inside us.
Maybe happiness is not a feeling but a way of life. I don’t know. I just know that happiness can exist quietly beside all the pain we carry.
nina
Do you need help learning how to read, write, or speak English?
I am an experienced tutor who can give you real conversational and written expertise in English Language Learning.
I can also help with Foreign Accent Reduction.
I work virtually in any time zone in any country.
To explore tutoring with me, please submit the form below:
A couple of friends and I started a podcast called 2 Curries and a Ranch. Listen here: https://2curriesandaranch.riverside.com/ or wherever you get your podcasts.
Imagine two loud, dramatic, hilarious Indian women explaining to a white man what it's like to grow up and live in America. Join us for laughter, deep thoughts, and witty banter about life, love and culture. We tell it like it is, with honest, bold and funny stories, discussions and arguments. We explore boundaries and challenge norms. Join us for a good talk.
We have a new episode coming out: We Lost Nina!
Join us as we navigate losing Nina in the middle of our podcast and then discuss some serious philosophical issues. Then we go back to some humorous chats about everything and nothing!