Am I Really a Sikh?
I don’t know.
According to what I learned in a Sikhism class at U of M taught by the brilliant Pashaura Singh, if you think you are a Sikh, you are a Sikh.
I mean, Jeffrey Dahmer is not a Sikh, even if he thinks he is. But generally, Joe Shmoe can be a Sikh if he wants to.
I call myself a Sikh.
I actually meditate on god’s name almost every day. I actually use the Sikh mantra Waheguru and repeat it in meditation.
I also drink liquor, smoke the occasional joint, and cut my hair.
The Sikh Scriptures are about 1,430 pages long, and 99% of the poetry in there instructs people to meditate on god’s name and lose their ego.
I still have my ego. It’s very well and alive.
I’m not here to preach or convert or claim that I am religious.
I am not religious. I do not do the Sikh prayers, and I do not go to the gurudwara.
So am I a real Sikh?
I actually don’t think that’s for other people to judge. Why don’t we let Waheguru decide?
I didn’t say I’m a good Sikh. I am not a good Sikh.
I repeat the question: am I a Sikh at all?
I like to think I am. I’m a proud Sardarni.
Sikhs come from a warrior tradition. I am a strong woman. I have been in situations where I have had to fight for my rights. Mostly as a woman.
I have thought about carrying a Kirpan, a small sword, in my pocket to protect me.
I believe hair is spiritual, so why do I cut my hair? It’s still very long; I cut it like twice a year.
I’m not even sure about that one; I’ll be honest. Until this moment, I haven’t really thought deeply about it.
Photo courtesy of United States Pangus via Scopio
I've wondered why I cut my hair when I believe hair is spiritual.
One thing I've noticed is that the Guru Granth Sahib doesn't explicitly say you cannot cut your hair.
My father cut his hair and did not wear a turban.
He was extremely spiritual and religious. He understood the meanings of the 1,430 pages of the Sikh Scriptures, or the Guru Granth Sahib.
He, in fact, had lost his ego. He meditated quietly all the time.
He is dead.
I believe he’s with god.
He was a Sikh.
My father taught me about two central practices of Sikhi: Seva and Simran. Service and meditation.
I have friends who go to soup kitchens and participate in charitable events that are very meaningful. I do not do that. Ever. Again, I’m evaluating in real time why I don’t.
I did, however, take care of my father for five years as he died of Parkinson’s complications.
He said thank you to me every time I did anything for him, anything at all.
My father and I would talk about meditation starting when I was thirteen.
My father slowly went blind between the ages of thirty and fifty. He eventually became completely blind. It was a form of torture.
I believe that is where his spiritual essence stemmed from. His struggle.
He began to understand people. How they treated him because of his disability. Which friends stayed by his side and which disappeared, many into upward mobility and wealth.
My father believed in karma. He genuinely did not question why god would make him blind. He always said it was a reaction to an action, maybe from a past life, maybe from this life. We don’t know, do we?
My mother taught me Sikh shabads and why it was important to remember them. She taught me religion, and I’m grateful for that. My father taught me spirituality and the philosophy behind our religion. It was the best gift he gave me.
I have practiced meditation on and off for most of my life. In certain moments of my meditation practice, I have felt something that can only be described as unconditional love. A oneness with the universe.
Photo courtesy of Ahmet Düzgün via Scopio
I experienced what I can only describe as bliss. Spiritual bliss is called Anand in Sikhi.
To put it in layman’s terms, I got high. Best high I ever had.
There were times when I sat in silence with my eyes closed and imagined what it was like for my father to live in the dark. It was quite peaceful, actually.
Maybe being blind is like one long meditation. Maybe that’s why he was enlightened.
Meditation is not a Sikh experience for me. It’s a universal experience.
I use the mantra Waheguru when I can use any name of god according to the Sikh Scriptures. It is very conducive to creating a deep breathing experience.
So what does god have to do with any of this? I do believe there is a formless god who is all love out there.
Actually, I think he is in here, in me.
I felt god when I was in the presence of my father.
God is not Sikh.
nina
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