You Have Questions

Ok, just FYI, I’m not thinking of starting a cult unless there’s serious bank involved.

But in all seriousness, I revealed something about myself that could be interpreted as insanity. I have been insane.

Can we call it temporary insanity for now, so I get a get-out-of-jail-free card?

I feel the presence of god speaking to my soul; no audio, it’s all through feeling. It’s been happening for 25 years. It is the most loving, brilliant, and surprisingly funny voice. It feels like a different love, better than earth love. It feels more like unconditional love.

It’s weird the feeling is so familiar, as if I have chemistry with god. This entity and I shoot the shit. Seriously.

Am I enlightened? I don’t know. I didn’t get a letter in the mail from the universe confirming or denying this.

I’m not sure I know what the word enlightenment means.

Maybe it’s not god. Maybe it’s Satan. How would I know?

The reason I doubt it’s a negative energy is that the voice talks in the most loving manner, far beyond the loving nature of humans. This voice I hear has never suggested I hurt myself or anyone else.

It tells me that I am a beautiful being, a brilliant source of love.

I bet he says that to all the girls.

I’m a sucker for praise. Honestly, flattery will get you everywhere with me.

But I don’t get the feeling this god is trying to get me to like him or love him. He knows I already do.

That’s his premise. He starts from there.

And he loves me more than anyone on earth ever has.

And I’ve had a lot of love on earth.

Why am I using male pronouns? Because I, too, am a victim of patriarchy.

I’m working on that.

What have the past 25 years been like?

Ha ha, good question, people. Good question.

Oh, do I have stories… The agony and the ecstasy, god has told me we love it.

The tears, the laughter, the drama. We love every minute of it. That’s why we chose to come to earth.

Word on the spiritual street is that we chose to leave a place of pure love to forget our essential nature.

Then we come here. Not just to love or suffer. But to experience. To experience it all, the good, the beautiful, the bad, the ugly.

The love.

The love in life is why we are here. I think it might be the only reason.

Even hate is a deformed form of love.

I’m not excusing the fact that hate leads to violence and cruelty. I am not condoning that. At all.

After this telenovela we call our lives, we are here to remember our true nature. Which is pure love.

The fun. I’ve had a lot of fun. I’ve also suffered quite a bit.

Suffering sucks, and I don’t recommend it. I’m still mad about it.

It was all so mixed together. I can’t separate the good times from the bad times.

I’ve had a remarkable life. An interesting, meaningful, memorable life.

And it’s not over. Perhaps in many ways, it’s just beginning.

This is me coming out of the closet.

Those closest to me will not be surprised by any of this.

I talk a lot about spirituality with friends, and I did with my father and my maternal grandfather, who was also a deep philosopher.

Maybe if you have been reading this blog for the past 17 years, you are not surprised by any of this.

And I’ll tell you this: finally, after 25 years, I’ve found real happiness and peace.

I found it myself, with the loving guidance of god.

So I ask the question again. What am I going to do now?

I’m going to live. Really live.

nina